February 2005


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Court Rules Woman Did Not Rob Man of Genetic Material

Occasionally a story will come along that must be written about, but poses a challenge to the writer in terms of writing about it in a way that will not creep out readers (or writer) excessively. This is such a…


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Bruce Springsteen and the American Lawyer

On Thursday, Widener University School of Law in Pennsylvania hosted a symposium entitled “The Lawyer as Poet Advocate: Bruce Springsteen and the American Lawyer.” From the flyer: “For more than three decades, Bruce Springsteen has served as America’s premiere poet…


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Man’s Life Ruined by Naked Breakdancing at Soccer Match

34-year-old Mark Hargreaves was fined this week and banned from soccer matches after he admitted that he had run naked onto a soccer pitch in Burnley, Scotland, and proceeded to breakdance naked in front of thousands of fans and millions…


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SUV Comically Destroyed in Fiery Crash

San Francisco police said they would cite Jonathan Fish for a misdemeanor in connection with the destruction of his 2004 Ford Expedition on Thursday, February 17. Apparently, it is a misdemeanor in San Francisco to toss a burning cigarette onto…


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Police Put Clamp on Injured Man’s Ambulance Until Fine is Paid

A spokeswoman for Dublin International Airport announced today that in the future, airport police will exempt emergency vehicles from their policy of booting, or clamping, any vehicle parked in an emergency-vehicle zone. The change follows a recent incident in which…


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Nebraska Supreme Court Spares Life of Dog

On Friday, the Nebraska Supreme Court vacated the death sentence that had been meted out to Murphy, an Alaskan-malamute-shepherd mix, for injuring a neighbor dog in 2001. The state supreme court reviews such cases in Nebraska because it has little…


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Thai Sex Tycoon Smashes Bathtub to Prove Fitness for Office

Chuvit Kamolvisit, known in Thailand as “Tycoon Tub” for the chain of massage parlor/sex shops that made him rich, staged a flamboyant public spectacle on Friday after his election to parliament, saying he was ritually cleansing himself of his former…


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Yet Another Flatulent-Shoe Lawsuit

Goosebumps Products, Inc., a Florida manufacturer of shoe insoles, sued one of its suppliers on Wednesday for sending it a defective chemical that caused gas bubbles to form inside the finished product, so that when worn and stepped upon the…


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Let’s Trim Our Hair According to Socialist Lifestyle

Yes, let’s trim it, or else, comrade. The latest obsession of tiny, bizarre, and now nuclear-armed North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il is the length of his people’s hair. Starting last October, the government launched a campaign to force all…