May 2005

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British Medical Experts Say Knives Too Pointy, Call For Ban

Citing a wave of stabbings in early 2005, a group of British medical experts have called for laws requiring knives to be blunt. Not all knives, of course—that would be stupid—but at least the kind of long, pointy knives often…


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“Revenge of the Sith” Causes Stupid Sith to Happen

I was happy to see that the new Star Wars movie, “Revenge of the Sith,” has caused stupidity to break out all over. Citing British media, E! Online reports that two British fans sustained severe burns on May 22 during a fight…



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Chinese Couple Sues After Man Breaks Arm During Newlywed Games

Yu Haitao and his bride Fang Shuling have sued their honeymoon hotel in Shanghai, China, after Yu broke his arm during what Reuters News described as “bedroom fun and games.” Maybe literally, since state-run media said the two were taking…


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Governor Blames Grand-Jury Investigation on Testicular Virility

Facing a grand-jury investigation of his fund-raising practices, Governor Rod Blagojevich of Illinois claimed that he had become a target only because of his “testicular virility” in standing up to a Chicago alderman he had accused of wrongdoing. Blagojevich, whose…


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Politician Confused Into Dousing Homeless Man With Champagne

Peter Gloystein, a German senator and deputy leader of the state of Bremen, resigned this week after dumping a magnum of champagne over the head of a homeless man at a televised ceremony marking the start of “German Wine Week.”…


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State Seeks to Evict Woman From Lava Tube

Hawaiian authorities have removed Karen Mayfield from the lava tube she has been living in for three years, and say they will put her on trial May 31 for littering, illegal camping, and “disturbing a geological feature,” all misdemeanors. She…



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Geneva Convention Invoked to Save Grapefruit Tree

Laura and Edmund Gerstein of Boca Raton (“Rat Mouth”), Florida, have made a formal claim of immunity under the 1949 Geneva Convention for a grapefruit tree in their backyard. The tree apparently has been targeted by the state for removal…


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Robert Blake Sought to Enlist 70s Stars in His Legal Defense

The L.A. Times reports that Robert Blake, the former star of "Baretta" who was accused of killing his wife, was very involved in his legal defense strategy, according to transcripts of conversations he had while in prison awaiting trial. In…