July 2006

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Woman Armed with Gucci Bag Removed from Flight

A spokesman for Cathay Pacific Airlines said they had to call the Hong Kong police to remove a woman from a Tokyo-bound airliner on Monday.  The woman, who was carrying a luxury Gucci handbag, repeatedly refused all requests to put…



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UPDATE: Arkansas-Chicken-Man Assaulter Captured

Just as the weekly update went to press, I learned that police in Searcy, Arkansas, had captured the man responsible for the July 19 bottle-rocket attacks on Steven Turnage.  Turnage said that one rocket struck him in the eye and…


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Clever New Zealanders Self-Reclassify Cars to Save on Taxes

New Zealand’s Transport Registration Center said it will be swiftly contacting residents who, it has learned, registered their cars as "noncommercial hearses" instead of personal vehicles so they could save about $80 in fees.  "Noncommercial hearses" and ambulances are exempt…


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Officials Shocked to Find Homeland Security Money Was Misused

The Indiana state Homeland Security Department has told officials in Vermillion County to stop using their official Homeland Security Department Electronic Emergency Message Boards to advertise the local volunteer fire department’s charity fish fry. The 11 message boards, which the…


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Insurance Company Cancels Christ Insurance

According to BBC News, Britishinsurance.com has canceled the policy it had provided to three sisters in Scotland who have been paying since 2000 for coverage in the event one of them immaculately conceives Jesus Christ when he shows up for…


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Arkansas Chicken Man Plagued by Attacks

Police in Searcy, Arkansas, have no leads in repeated attacks against Steven Turnage, who wears a chicken suit on local city streets to promote a fast-food restaurant.  During his two weeks on the job, Turnage says he has endured not…


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The Tale of Dr. Moodie and Ms. Alice

Dr. Rob Moodie, described as a 67-year-old "high-profile lawyer, former representative rugby player and Police Association secretary," whatever the hell most of that means, has decided to protest the "male-dominated corruption" of New Zealand’s judicial system by wearing women’s clothes…


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Clown Suit Threatened

Happy the Clown and other Bay Area clowns received threatening letters last week from Cowan, DeBaets, Abrahams and Sheppard LLP, a New York firm, telling the clowns to cease and desist from wearing costumes that look too much like characters…


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Angry Parrot Leads Police to Thief

Police in southwestern England were able to track down a bird thief (apparently at the top of their to-do list these days) after the parrot he stole managed to leave them a vital clue.  Tristand Maidment stole Mickey the Macaw…