Good news for Obama supporters — Myanmar's "top astrologer" is predicting not only that Obama will be elected to a second term, but also that he will not be killed during either one.
"Obama will definitely be re-elected again," said San-Zami Bo, whose appropriately goofy name is probably his main qualification for astrologership. This particular prediction is based on the fact that Obama was born on the 4th of the month (August), which is apparently good, and that "[h]is card shows the emperor sign." Hard to argue with that.
The astrologer also said that assassination attempts were "certain" in 2009, 2010 and 2013 (post-reelection). But the stars were not one hundred percent sure about this one. "I can basically say all attempts will fail and be unsuccessful," he said redundantly. "But," he warned, "how can we say definitely without reading his palm?" The great thing about Myanmarian astrologers is that they are always careful to cross-check their star predictions with other forms of bullshit.
Meanwhile, in Ireland, a bookmaker was taking bets on which "cliche" Obama will mention first during his inaugural address. Current odds were:
- 8-1: "change has come"
- 10-1: "yes we can"
- 12-1: "fundamental belief"
- 12-1: "as I stand here today"
- 14-1: "let me be clear" or "politics of hope"
- 25-1: "we can be one people"
- 80-1: "we have more work to do" [not likely to be first!]
- 250-1: "Let's get ready to rumble"
- 250-1: "Life is like a box of chocolates"
- 500-1: "Always bet on black"
That last one seems awfully unlikely, but the payoff would be huge.
You can also bet on (for example) the color of Obama's tie, what kind of puppy his daughters will end up getting, and what celebrity will be shown first in the crowd. Not surprisingly, the odds are good (7-4) that this will be Oprah; more surprising was that Sting (16-1) was running slightly ahead of P Diddy (20-1). But maybe neither of those guys are likely to show up at all, given that these bookmakers think the odds are significantly greater that Osama bin Laden will be captured in the next couple of years (6-1). I'd bet that P Diddy will be captured during that time, but not bin Laden.