“I miss having a dog,” said Michael Vick, who used to help drown the ones that weren’t good enough at killing other dogs. Uh, how about no?
If you don’t like your firm’s dress code, be glad you don’t work for the Union Bank of Switzerland, which has now promulgated a dress code that is 43 pages long. The comprehensive guide not only addresses matters like skirt length and fragrances, it bans wearing more than seven jewels at a time or underwear that doesn’t match your skin tone. Men are required to select tie knots that match the “morphology of the face,” whatever the hell that means.
Mark Zuckerberg was chosen as Time’s Person of the Year. Seriously. And for this year. Runner-up: the “Tea Party,” which is not a person. Third place: Julian Assange of Wikileaks. Assange apparently won the vote among the actual readers of Time magazine, but a Time representative said they discounted that because Lady Gaga came in second.
“Google Pays Boring Family $1,” is one of today’s better headlines. Aaron and Christine Boring ended up winning one dollar from Google for their claims that it had trespassed by taking a picture of the Boring home for Street View. “This is one sweet dollar of vindication,” the Boring family said in a statement. They will be paying more sweet dollars than that in attorneys’ fees, though.
Finally, let the record reflect that uttering the phrase “Say hello to Mr. Bobo” may eventually result in you being greeted with a public reprimand. At least if Mr. Bobo actually makes an appearance.