September 2011

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Greased-Pig Contests Illegal in Minnesota

343.36 GREASED PIG CONTESTS AND TURKEY SCRAMBLES No person shall operate, run or participate in a contest, game, or other like activity, in which a pig, greased, oiled or otherwise, is released and wherein the object is the capture of…


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Man Demands Hot Sauce at Gunpoint

As we've seen many times, it is rarely a good idea to take the law into your own hands, even in response to the most dastardly outrages such as an inexplicable condiment omission. And yet it continues to happen. On…



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F-16s Scrambled Due to Inappropriate Bathroom Use

In two incidents on September 11 (the recent one), F-16s were scrambled to escort planes on which "suspicious activity" had been reported. The activity: using the bathroom. Frontier Flight 623 and American Flight 34 were escorted to their destinations after…


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Man Changes Name to “Led Zeppelin II”

Since I became Led Zeppelin, my life has improved a thousand-fold. — Led Zeppelin II (formerly George F. Blackburn) Let's say you're 64 years old and just got divorced from your third wife. You're going to want to try to…



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Ruth, Nino, and the Elephant

As for the elephant ride, [Justice Ginsburg] told students that she joined Justice Scalia astride an elephant during a trip to India, according to the Contra Costa Times. "It was quite a magnificent, very elegant elephant," Ginsburg said. "And my…


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Patent No. 7,117,611: The Chair That Dries Your Business

The body hair and feet drying chair has a base portion having a generally hollow interior, there being a motor-driven fan contained within the hollow interior. A seat is disposed on the top of the base portion. … A plurality…


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Assorted Stupidity #27

I'm not saying that abducting four young girls from a bus stop and then pleading insanity should disqualify you from ever holding a job again, but it might be considered a black mark if you are running for the school board….


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More on the Risk of Death by Turtle

Yesterday we learned that the new set of medical-insurance codes will include nine for turtle-related injuries, including three for the mysterious category "struck by turtle." Since turtles generally don't get up enough speed on their own to crash into people,…