January 2013

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It’s the Old Wealthy-Fisherman-Trying-on-a-Rolex Scam Again

Works every time: Employees at Ben Bridge Jewelers in downtown Seattle described the man who came in and asked to try on a $45,000 Rolex watch as fishy smelling and toothless. He reportedly explained the aroma by saying he was…


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Assorted Stupidity #48

A former beauty-pageant contestant pleaded guilty to participating in a riot that followed the 2011 Stanley Cup final. What's that you're asking? Had she been voted "Miss Congeniality" in that pageant? Indeed she had. If you are fighting charges that…



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PRESIDENT OBAMA ARRESTED IN CONNECTICUT

Sorry, did I say "Connecticut"? I meant, "in the baseless dreams of delusional lawyer/dentist Orly Taitz, queen of the 'birthers.'" I should have been more careful. According to Orly, whose legal skills some have called into question (see, e.g., "'A Rhesus…


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UPDATE: Justice Thomas’s Full Joke Revealed

Speaking of the Supreme Court, before the debut of the Hat the big news was that Justice Thomas had astounded the legal world by actually speaking during oral argument. As it was his first utterance in nearly seven years, pundits…



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Fighters Intercept Airliner After Report of Sleepy Terrorist

In the most recent example of this expensive and potentially deadly practice, on January 17 two F-15s were scrambled to intercept an Alaska Airlines flight on its way to Seattle. Apparently someone called the FBI that day, anonymously, and named…


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Bad Disguise #7: Bucket on Head

The first problem here is that while a bucket will indeed conceal your face, and quite effectively, that's also where your eyes are. (In both senses: in your face and inside the bucket.) That is, the bucket cannot perform the…


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Bad News for Dog-Flinging Mascots

The case against the Kansas City Royals for negligence based on the acts of "Sluggerrr," the team's strange crown-headed lion-like mascot, has been reinstated by the Missouri Court of Appeals. If you've been following this story as I have, and…


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“Everybody Here Is ‘Oh My Gosh, You Got a Box of Heads'”

Hey, just another day at the office, said DHS spokesman Brian Bell, referring to the discovery of 18 human heads at O'Hare Airport. While Bell said he has never before fielded questions about a large package of human body parts,…