From an interview with Justice Scalia, published Sunday in New York magazine:
Q: You believe in heaven and hell?
A: Oh, of course I do. Don't you believe in heaven and hell?
Does that mean I'm not going?
[Laughing.] Unfortunately not!
Wait, to heaven or hell?
It doesn’t mean you're not going to hell, just because you don't believe in it. That's Catholic doctrine! Everyone is going one place or the other.
But you don't have to be a Catholic to get into heaven? Or believe in it?
Of course not!
Oh. So you don’t know where I'm going. Thank God.
I don't know where you’re going. I don’t even know whether Judas Iscariot is in hell. I mean, that’s what the pope meant when he said, "Who am I to judge?" He may have recanted and had severe penance just before he died. Who knows?
Can we talk about your drafting process—
[Leans in, stage-whispers.] I even believe in the Devil.
Of course! Yeah, he's a real person. Hey, c'mon, that's standard Catholic doctrine! Every Catholic believes that.
Every Catholic believes this? There's a wide variety of Catholics out there …
If you are faithful to Catholic dogma, that is certainly a large part of it.
Have you seen evidence of the Devil lately?
You know, it is curious. In the Gospels, the Devil is doing all sorts of things. He's making pigs run off cliffs, he's possessing people and whatnot. And that doesn't happen very much anymore.
It’s because he's smart.
So what's he doing now?
What he's doing now is getting people not to believe in him or in God. He's much more successful that way.
That has really painful implications for atheists. Are you sure that's the Devil's work?
I didn’t say atheists are the Devil’s work.
Well, you're saying the Devil is persuading people to not believe in God. Couldn't there be other reasons to not believe?
Well, there certainly can be other reasons. But it certainly favors the Devil's desires. I mean, c'mon, that’s the explanation for why there's not demonic possession all over the place. That always puzzled me. What happened to the Devil, you know? He used to be all over the place. He used to be all over the New Testament.
What happened to him?
He just got wilier.
He got wilier.
I have to admit that despite my many years of intensive Bible study, I did not remember any passage in which the Devil made pigs run off cliffs. But it turns out that Justice Scalia is right … or, sort of:
28 When [Jesus] came to the other side, to the country of the Gadarenes, two demoniacs coming out of the tombs met him. They were so fierce that no one could pass that way. 29 Suddenly they shouted, “What have you to do with us, Son of God? Have you come here to torment us before the time?” 30 Now a large herd of swine was feeding at some distance from them. 31 The demons begged him, "If you cast us out, send us into the herd of swine.” 32 And he said to them, “Go!” So they came out and entered the swine; and suddenly, the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and perished in the water. 33 The swineherds ran off, and on going into the town, they told the whole story about what had happened to the demoniacs. 34 Then the whole town came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw him, they begged him to leave their neighborhood.
I spent some time last night considering how we should interpret the text and/or original intent of this passage, or the three passages, anyway—there are three different versions of the story, although they all agree on the part Scalia mentioned about Jesus letting the demons ride the swine. But I decided it pretty much speaks for itself. So make of it what you will. But just FYI, the Devil has apparently changed his business plan significantly since the days when he was running around all over the place possessing people and pigs and whatnot. He's much wilier now.