So said John Huget, a brave Canadian who was forced to grapple with one in the early morning hours of May 31 after finding it in his living room. This zebra was able to grapple because it was actually a 24-year-old man who had been at a costume party and then, "confused and extraordinarily drunk," blundered into the wrong duplex.
Edmonton is probably safe enough that people don't always lock their front doors, but it's still a good idea to do that just to keep mistakes like this from happening.
Mr. Huget said he was "genuinely concerned" upon finding someone wearing "sunglasses, a baseball cap and full-body zebra costume" standing in his living room at 1:30 in the morning, and who wouldn't be? At that point you'd have no idea whether this was the end of a costume party or the beginning of a home invasion, although as home invasions go this one would probably have been pretty entertaining. Still, safer to get rid of the zebra as quickly as possible. But the drunk zebra wouldn't leave, which led to the aforementioned grappling.
The zebra "threw a drunken punch that glanced off Huget's face," and the two began to struggle. (I'm sure this was scary at the time, but I'm also sure it isn't now.) Huget was able to force the zebra outside and onto the lawn while his wife called police. A brief lull then seems to have followed, during which (1) the zebra peed on a tree and (2) Huget found the zebra's wallet lying on the lawn, got the zebra's real name, and told it to the dispatcher. This seems to have infuriated the newly evacuated zebra, which charged.
"He eventually got tired of trying to punch me," Huget said, "and started biting me." The "grappling" comment came next, apparently to explain why Huget was unable to prevent the zebra from doing that. (Tests later confirmed that Huget had not contracted anything from the drunken zebra bite.) Luckily, police arrived at this point.
Last Thursday, the zebra apologized, pleaded guilty to one count of assault, and was sentenced to time served. His lawyer said he has been "scared straight" by the incident.