Civil

Lawsuit Blames Negligent Six-Year-Old

“A judge will now have to decide whether the six-year-old can be held legally responsible for her actions,” says the Telegraph about a case pending in Austria. According to the report, the accident she’s accused of causing “took place on…


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"Home of Throwed Rolls" Sued for Throwin’ Rolls

Really for hittin' a gal in her cornea and whatnot after them rolls was throwed. But there's lawyerin' afoot now, that's definite. Lambert's Cafe was founded in Sikeston, Missouri (in the "bootheel") in 1942, and now has three locations due…



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Jury Clears Mascot in Hot-Dog-Flinging Case

ALERT: a second jury has found the Kansas City Royals and their mascot Sluggerrr not liable for Sluggerrr hitting a fan in the eye with a hot dog. As you may recall (and if not, by all means see below),…



God

God’s Class Action Dismissed

Woe unto you, lawyers! for ye have taken away the key of knowledge: ye entered not in yourselves, and them that were entering in ye hindered. Luke 11:52 (KJV) Well, the Lord’s lawsuit against all similarly situated homosexuals lasted just…


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God Files Class Action Against Gay People

I know exactly what you’re thinking—one god isn’t enough gods for a class action. That makes no sense at all! And even if there were more than one, how likely is it that they would be similarly situated so that one…


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NoYouCantWriteABriefLikeThisToGetAroundTheWordLimit

People sometimes ask where I find "all this stuff" as if there were a limited amount of such material. There is not. It is endless. The well is deep, my friends. Nay, do not seek the bottom, for it cannot…


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Judge Criticizes “Behemoth Pleadings”

Here are some words & phrases that you really don't want a judge to apply to anything you file: sprawling behemoth surplusage larded with brims with masquerading as voluminous breathtaking madness chokes the docket intended to overwhelm labyrinthian prolixity of…


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Twitter Takedown of Scottish Scam [Updated]

Scottish lawyer Malcolm Combe recently posted this tale about a promoted tweet gone wrong. He and several other lawyers went after a company called Highland Titles, which was making this offer: For just 30 quid, it would appear, you can…