Government

Officials Shocked to Find Homeland Security Money Was Misused

The Indiana state Homeland Security Department has told officials in Vermillion County to stop using their official Homeland Security Department Electronic Emergency Message Boards to advertise the local volunteer fire department’s charity fish fry. The 11 message boards, which the…



TSA Clears Self of Suspicion in Inspection Dispute

I forgot this one from three weeks ago.  Debra Sanders of Clearwater, Florida, has accused the Transportation Security Administration of lax security and improper inspection procedures after she got home from a trip to New Jersey. She first suspected her…


French Invasion of Florida Foiled by Authorities

Sirens wailed as agents from the Border Patrol, U.S. Customs and the FBI converged on an airport in Key West on Wednesday, ready to repel invaders. The French had returned.  Specifically, two French people, Alexis Peltier and Yves Stindel, who…


The Latest on Your Homeland Security Dollars

The Washington Times reports this week on spending under a loophole in the "Faster and Smarter Funding for First Responders Act," passed last year in the House of Representatives by a vote of 409-10.  The poorly-acronymed FASFFFRA was a real…


Homeland Security Department at Work Protecting Northern Alabama

In a ceremony Wednesday morning, law-enforcement officers in Homeland Security Region 6 celebrated the fact that additional resources had been provided to secure Region 6 against terror attacks.  So you al-Qaida members who were planning to attack northern Alabama, beware:…




How Your Homeland-Security Money Is Making You Safer

Just kidding—it isn't. Four-and-a-half years (most of it spent in long security lines) and umpteen billions of dollars after September 11, the Transportation Security Agency has implemented effective security measures to prevent dangerous materials like explosives from getting onto our…


TRAVELER ALERT: Heads in Luggage Must Be Declared

"Homeland security" air-travel regulations get more ridiculous all the time. First, nail clippers are banned. Now, you can get in trouble just for having a severed head in your luggage. What's next? Myrlene Severe, a 30-year-old Haitian-born resident alien, learned…