Noteworthy Court Orders

All-Purpose Heavily Redacted Order
You just need to add a paragraph at the beginning and the end.

Order Denying Motion for Incomprehensibility
Yet another reason why making sense is a good idea.

Order Granting Motion to Compel Lunch
Judge forces opposing counsel to meet for lunch, orders them to tip.

Order to Resolve Discovery Dispute by Rock-Paper-Scissors
As good a way as any to decide where to take a deposition.

Order to Hold Deposition at State Line
The parties could not agree whether to hold it in Texas or Arkansas.

Order to Lighten Up
Something that ought to be part of every judge’s standing orders.

Let it Be
Careful citing a Beatles tune to a judge who knows more about them than you do.

The Hard-Boiled-Egg Order
Remove the egg without delay.  Today, I say, today!  Today!
It will not fit within the file.  Besides, you are a pedophile.

The Court is Happier Than a Tick on a Fat Dog
A court in Kentucky welcomes news of settlement in a case it really did not want to try.

Order Denying Motion to Strike for Being Four Minutes and Twenty-Seven Seconds Late
Attorneys, meet sarcasm.

Order Requiring Socks
In which an attorney who demands that a court cite legal authority for requiring him to wear socks finds that the court will gladly create some.