This possible worst opening line ever, or something like it, was delivered by a Delaware gentleman to the Domino’s employee he and his friends had robbed earlier that night. The victim said she was delivering a pizza at about 11:20 on Wednesday, January 19, when three men surrounded her and demanded cash and a couple of pizzas. But some time later that night, she said, one of the men called her cell phone, apologized for the robbery and asked her for a date.

The story is a little unclear as to how the man got her cell phone number. But because he called her cell, she was able to save his phone number and quickly gave it to police. They traced it to him and she was able to pick his picture out of a photo lineup. Just to nail things down, officers found the pizza boxes in the trash at Brown’s home the next day, along with the receipt.

Surprisingly, Brown claimed to be innocent. Yes, the call had come from his cell phone, but this was simply because he had loaned his cell phone to someone, you see, who had apparently used it to call the pizza girl and ask her for a date in his name. This person had then eaten the burgled pizza, and broken into Brown’s home to place said pizza into his trash. Most dastardly of all, they had apparently given the woman Brown’s picture or somehow tampered with the photo lineup from which she selected his photo as one of the pizza thieves. Damn you, cruel universe! Is there no justice?