A Scottish newspaper is reporting that President Bush seriously injured a Scottish police constable after a session of the G8 summit last July. The report states that the accident was caused by President Bush trying to wave, talk and ride a bike at the same time.

The constable was one of a number of police who were detailed to guard against protesters disrupting the summit. According to the official police incident report, the police unit was asked to cover a particular road junction as the "President of the USA, George Bush, was cycling through."

The report continues:

[At] about 1800 hours the President approached the junction at speed on the bicycle. The road was damp at the time. As the President passed the junction at speed he raised his left arm from the handlebars to wave to the police officers present while shouting "thanks, you guys, for coming." As he did this he lost control of the cycle, falling to the ground, causing both himself and his bicycle to strike [the officer] on the lower legs. [The officer] fell to the ground, striking his head. The President continued along the ground for approximately five metres, causing himself a number of abrasions. The officers . . . then assisted both injured parties.

The injured officer was taken to a local hospital where he was diagnosed with ankle injuries that put him on crutches and apparently forced him to miss work for 14 weeks. The report lists the official cause of injury to the officer as "Hit by moving/falling object [i.e., the President of the United States]." Said object received treatment for scrapes but was not seriously hurt.

Smelling a cover-up, the Scottish paper raised questions as to why the details of the crash had not been released until now, speculating that they had been "kept under wraps for fear of embarrassing both Bush and the injured constable." It also pointed out that a non-presidential violator could well have been charged with careless driving for such an incident, saying that earlier this year police in Strathclyde "issued three fixed penalty notices to errant cyclists as part of a crack-down on rogue riders," whatever the hell that means.

This is at least the third presidential crash known to have taken place. In May 2004, he fell off his mountain bike while riding on his ranch in Texas, and the previous year he had somehow fallen off a highly advanced and gyroscopically stabilized Segway scooter. Last year's incident, however, is the only one known to have injured another person, and comes not long after a Texas man's face rudely intercepted a load of buckshot fired by Vice-President Cheney.

Bush and Cheney are believed to be the most dangerous U.S. leadership pair since James Sherman was accused of tackling the Postmaster General so President Taft could sit on him.