Colonel Sanders Appears at UN to Seek Membership for Grilled Nation
Turns out he was not invited and the UN is still trying to figure out how he got in.
2009
Blagojevich Can Appear on “Celebrity Apprentice,” Says Judge
A federal judge has ruled that former Illinois governor and loony pseudo-celebrity Rod Blagojevich can indeed appear on "Celebrity Apprentice" in March. U.S. District Judge James Zagel decided on October 20 not to block Blagojevich from appearing on the show,…
So Long, Guy Who Refused to Marry Interracial Couple
"I do hereby resign," began the only sentence anybody was interested in hearing out of Keith Bardwell, who until November 3 had been Justice of the Peace for the Eighth Ward of Tangipahoa Parish, Louisiana. Everybody has been calling for…
“Air Zaidi” Shoe Is Top Seller in Bangladesh
It isn't really called "Air Zaidi," but it is damn popular in Bangladesh, apparently. The "Zaidi shoe," a black and brown lace-up named after the guy who threw similar footwear at former President George W. Bush in 2008, is apparently…
Halloween Breathalyzer Costume Results in What I Believe to Be Irony
As we learned from Alanis Morrisette, irony is a tricky concept, so I have looked up the definition: irony, n. 1. A figure of speech in which the intended meaning is the opposite of that expressed by the words used;…
Judge Denies Wrongdoing; Says He Was Only There for the Soup
"No, I did not," Judge Michael Hecht testified in a Tacoma courtroom last week, in his own defense. He said this repeatedly. What had he not done, you ask? Have a seat. Hecht was on trial for felony harassment and…
Never Bring a Chainsaw to a Gunfight
As you probably know, it is difficult enough to chase somebody while waving a chainsaw without having to worry that the person is going to suddenly turn and pull a gun on you, but I guess this is something that…
Court Criticizes Everybody Involved in Briefing That Totaled 5,415 Pages
Counting the attachments, but still.
Experts Agree: Chances of Governor’s Message Being Random Are Tiny
As you have probably heard, things are going just great in California, apart from the state being massively in debt, occasionally on fire, and thoroughly riddled with active fault lines. Also, our bridges suck, but on the bright side, the…
Gang Member to Get Makeover for Trial, Says Attorney
"Clothes make the man, and a mustache couldn't hurt either," will apparently be the trial theme in Richard Rodriguez's case against the city of El Monte, California. Rodriguez sued the city in July, alleging that a police officer used excessive…