I haven’t been able to find a news report on the Internet to support this, or maybe it’s just super-old, but I like it too much not to re-post it:

Homeowners, I would advise each of you to be armed with a really good joke that you can tell as soon as you get home, especially from a long vacation, to try to smoke out any burglars who may still be in the house.

And maybe a gun in case you have the bad luck to be burgled by one with no sense of humor.