A couple of weeks ago, I made fun of the city council of Dublin, Georgia, which had passed a bill banning pants that sag more than three inches below the "crest of the ilium," exposing the buttocks or underwear, and justified this in part because of alleged evidence "that wearing sagging pants is injurious to the health of the wearer as it causes an improper gait." Well, it turns out that this can be injurious to the health of the wearer, but not because of its effect on the gait. If the wearer is within range of Kenneth Bonds, at least, said wearer may find himself with one (1) or more bullets lodged somewhere below the crest of the ilium.

Come to think of it, that might have a pretty dramatic effect on your gait.

Bonds, of Memphis, Tennessee, was arrested and charged with aggravated assault recently after he shot a 17-year-old low-pants wearer in the ass.  Reportedly, the victim and a 16-year-old friend were walking near Bonds' house when Bonds began yelling at them to pull their pants up. The boys ignored him, which made Bonds even angrier, and they did not improve his mood by then calling him a "fat ass" who needed to shut up. Unfortunately for them, the (alleged) fat ass had a handgun, and he fired off several shots at the boys as they ran away.

It is possible, but not confirmed, that the boys' escape was hampered by the ridiculous sagging pants they were wearing, but whether that was a factor or not, one of the bullets intersected with the 17-year-old's buttocks. The wound was not critical and the boy was treated and released. He was subsequently able to limp into the station and pick Bonds out of a lineup.

Obviously, this could have been much more serious, and there is even less justification for using violence to raise waistlines than there is for trying to do it through legislation. My basic position hasn't changed: "saggers" should pull their pants up, but everybody else should stand down.