A Muncie man was arrested this week on allegations he battered his sister after she criticized how much maple syrup he had placed on his pancakes.

At first I really wasn't sure how to feel about their use of the term "battered" there, but obviously I came to terms with it.

As usual, the combatants told different stories about how this went down. Police arrested the man and charged him with (yes) battery and strangulation, likely because the alleged victim reportedly had marks on her neck. (She wasn't seriously injured.) According to police, the man confirmed that the dispute was syrup-related but claimed his sister was the aggressor, saying she "attacked him because he used too much syrup." I guess we may never know the truth.

As I've said so often, this sort of thing will just keep happening until either all citizens are subject to a complete 24/7 surveillance regime or there is a dramatic increase in the availability of pancake syrup. It's one or the other, people.