Shoplifting!

No, I'm just kidding. It was sexual assault.

Ironically, according to the website of the U.S. Air Force's Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Program—a program that was led until today by the alleged assailant, who now seems to have vanished without a trace from said website as if he had never existed—April was Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month.

But I guess it's May now.

Update: In November 2013, the officer was acquitted of an assault charge (the sexual-assault charge was dropped) by a jury in Arlington, Virginia. Witnesses' accounts of the incident differed, although one witness testified (over objection) that the officer had also groped her that night. The jury initially appeared to be deadlocked but ultimately found the officer not guilty. He has not been reinstated, however. The director of the SAPR Program remains his successor, Maj. Gen. Margaret Woodward.