In what is almost certainly the most important story you'll read today, I am reporting that Vanity Fair is reporting that CNN is reporting that the Monkey Formerly Known as Bieber's has finally escaped customs limbo in Germany and has been transferred to a German zoo/park.

You of course will recall that Mally, then a 20-week-old capuchin monkey (she's still a monkey, just older now), came to Germany in March along with the rest of Bieber's entourage, only to end up stuck in customs because Bieber didn't have the necessary paperwork. Showing great responsibility, however, Bieber then departed for the next leg of his tour without retrieving his monkey and apparently without even a text to say why he was dumping her. See "Has Justin Bieber Abandoned His Monkey?" Lowering the Bar (May 17, 2013). Nor has he shown any interest in retrieving her since.

According to Vanity Fair, the Germans have now transferred Mally to the Serengeti Park zoo in northern Germany, where she will reside on a brand-new monkey island along with six other capuchins. (CNN's report says the island is "surrounded by a moat"—apparently they don't know that islands generally are.) Not that Bieber has any interest in knowing this, but Mally can be found in Affenwelt (Ape-World), in seinem neuen Zuhause (in her new Zoohouse, or whatever), where she can be seen cavorting in a video on this page.

I assume this is a downgrade from Bieberwelt, at least in terms of the furnishings. The company is probably a big improvement, though.