Well, I didn’t have anything Halloween-related in the hopper this year, although in my defense I will say that it’s usually not until a couple days after Halloween that the necessary reports become available. And I didn’t have time to generate anything totally original because I’ve been too busy working on Halloween costumes. I was all set to show up at the White House dressed as George Papadopoulous so I could really scare the $&*% out of some people for once, but then I found out they did Halloween there on Monday. Typical. So, back to the drawing board.

Anyway, I did take the time to compile some of my past Halloween-related work, so hopefully that’ll tide you over until we know who did what terrifyingly stupid things tonight.

First, a few alleged ghosts:

• “What You Need to Know About Haunted-House Law” (Oct. 30, 2015);

• “Michael Jackson’s Ghost Testifies His Death Was an Accident” (June 16, 2013);

• “Millionaire Claims Ghosts Caused Him to Flee His Mortgage, I Mean Mansion” (Sept. 26, 2008);

• “‘As a Matter of Law, the House is Haunted‘” (Sept. 25, 2008) (the famous Stambovsky case); and

• “Undisclosed-Ghost Defense Asserted in Lease Case” (Sept. 9, 2005).

Second, a bunch of witches, most of them wrongly accused:

• “Accused Italian Cheese Witch May Get New Trial” (Oct. 16, 2015);

• “Witch Who Said Our Laws Do Not Apply to Her Turns Out to Be Wrong” (June 24, 2011);

• “Tax Fight Escalates as Romanian Witches Turn to Cat Excrement” (Jan. 12, 2011);

• “Renewed Witch-Regulation Bill Passes in Romania” (Jan. 3, 2011);

• “Witch Regulation Moving Forward In Russia” (Sept. 24, 2010);

• “Witches Screwed Again in Connecticut” (Apr. 4, 2008); see also this followup;

• “Witch Pardoned” (Aug. 29, 2008) (in Switzerland);

• “Virginia Governor Pardons Witch” (July 15, 2006) (in Virginia, obviously); and

• “Witchcraft Class Ruled Tax-Deductible” (Sept. 29, 2005) (the Netherlands).

Third, some assorted monsters:

• “Man Says He Danced on Police Car’s Roof to Summon Aid Against Vampires” (July 14, 2015);

• “President [of Argentina] Adopts Potential Werewolf” (Dec. 29, 2014);

• “Denver Citizens to Vote on Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission” (Nov. 1, 2010); and

• “D.A. Sticks With Witness Who Says He Sees Horned Aliens” (Oct. 20, 2006) (bonus Halloween points: involves the lawyer Bela Lugosi, Jr.);

And finally, these others here:

• “Again, Goodwill Does Not Accept Skull Donations” (Aug. 28, 2014) (third in a series);

• “Anybody Missing a Coffin Full of Weapons?” (May 10, 2014);

• “Why the Devil Quit Bothering Pigs, According to Justice Scalia” (Oct. 7, 2013) (more Biblical, really, but still);

• “More Fun With Jeremy Bentham” (June 4, 2013) (more specifically, his preserved corpse);

• “Everybody Here Is ‘Oh My Gosh, You Got a Box of Heads’” (Jan. 15, 2013);

• “Two Charged With Halloween Robbery; Fairy Still at Large” (Nov. 7, 2012);

• “Halloween Breathalyzer Costume Results in What I Believe to Be Irony” (Nov. 2, 2009);

• “Orange-Jumpsuit Halloween Costume Causes Problems” (Nov. 2, 2006); and

• “Lawyer’s Bin Laden Halloween Costume Not Popular” (Nov. 1, 2006).

Be careful out there.