Christmas came early in Colorado Springs, where police say that on Dec. 23, a 65-year-old man who had just robbed a bank came outside and started throwing cash in the air, yelling “Merry Christmas!” He then “sauntered” over to the Starbucks next door and sat down. “It was almost like he wanted [the arrest] to happen,” a bystander said. It did.
The Associated Press reported this week that, surprise, those “neat rows of rectangular depressions along the 7th fairway” of a Tallahassee golf club are in fact graves, specifically those of at least 40 slaves who died on the plantation once located there. (It seems to have taken an archaeologist to solve the mystery of what these “neat rows of rectangular depressions” could possibly be.) As the headline of one report puts it, “Golf club built on slaves’ graves sparks debate on how to honor the dead.” Some have apparently suggested that continuing to drive golf carts over them might not be the best way to do that, but the debate continues.
An Idaho couple has appealed a judge’s decision to throw out a jury verdict in their favor, saying the jury correctly found that their homeowners’ association had discriminated against them. According to the HOA, the problem was the couple’s Christmas decorations, which involve upwards of 200,000 lights, a live camel, people dressed like Roman centurions to collect “taxes,” and other attractions drawing large crowds and (allegedly) all the bad things large crowds can bring. The couple claimed the HOA just didn’t like Christians. The jury seems to have agreed, but the judge held the evidence didn’t support the verdict.
U.S. Customs and Border Protection showed its holiday spirit by tweeting on Christmas Eve that it had concluded Santa Claus wasn’t a security risk. “Santa, his reindeer and all of the presents have been cleared by CBP for entry into the United States!” the agency tweeted, showing a bearded “Santa” holding a Global Entry card (and not looking especially jolly). Santa, of course, has been going where he pleases for some time now, without needing a passport, and to my knowledge there is no evidence he has ever carried out a terror attack. But CBP would be happy to run its grubby paws through all your gifts, just to be sure. Ho ho ho.
The Department of Agriculture similarly tweeted that “Santa and his 9 reindeer have been issued a permit to enter the U.S.,” though why it would have any jurisdiction over them is even less clear. Were kids asking for invasive species this year?
It wouldn’t be Christmas without a Christmas shopping brawl, and while there were plenty this year, only one (that I know of) involved a dozen people fighting inside a Beef Jerky Outlet store in upstate New York. Police said (and the video shows) that the fight started outside the store, however, so unfortunately there is no evidence the brawl was jerky-related.
Hope your holidays have involved, and will continue to involve, no more than the usual and unavoidable amount of stupidity.
