LEAD STORY: As admirably summarized by the Columbus Dispatch, “[t]he Ohio attorney who was disciplined for pooping in a Pringles can and tossing it into a parking lot got his law license reinstated on Tuesday.” The pooper, who is a criminal-defense attorney, lobbed the can into the parking lot of a crime-victim advocacy center in November 2021, and the Ohio Supreme Court eventually held that this is the kind of thing that might call into question one’s fitness to practice law. But it imposed only a six-month suspension, which has now expired. According to the Dispatch, the attorney said that he “didn’t target anyone” with the can, which I suppose is a plus, but also that “he pulled the Pringles prank at least 10 times that year,” which definitely seems like a minus.
On Wednesday, Louisiana’s governor signed HB 71, which requires the Ten Commandments to be displayed in all public classrooms. Most of the bill is essentially a legal argument as to why this doesn’t violate the First Amendment, which it obviously does. The argument contains such nonsense as the assertion that this is not a religious measure because the Ten Commandments is simply one of the “foundational documents of our state and national government,” which is the opposite of true. Even in Louisiana, where the state constitution prohibits laws respecting the establishment of religion, just like the federal version does. “I can’t wait to be sued,” the governor declared, and he won’t have to wait long.
It’s certainly not the first time this sort of thing has been tried. And, as you may recall, one of the more remarkable attempts to “sneak” religion into state affairs happened in Louisiana a while back, when a committee of the Louisiana House considered a bill that would have made the Bible the “official state book,” prompting a lengthy debate over which version of the Bible deserved to be official. See “Louisiana Debates Which Holy Bible to Make Official State Book” (Apr. 7, 2014). Did they at last recognize the irony that debates just like that one are why we don’t allow laws respecting the establishment of religion? No, but at least that bill didn’t become law. See also “Legislator Upset That Muslims Want to Use School-Voucher Program Too” (July 20, 2012) (also Louisiana).
Police in St. John’s, Newfoundland, reported on May 10 that a “very irate male” had assaulted a constable with a piece of cheese. The piece was apparently large enough to qualify as a “block,” but the article notes that “the officer did not require medical attention.” The spokesperson said he did not know what type of cheese had been used in the assault. Still, the incident “shows we can never let our guard down,” he told reporters.
Police in Austin, Texas, reported on June 4 that they had arrested Optimus Prime. This was not the ancient and noble leader of the Autobots, but a 37-year-old alleged car thief named Optimus Prime Blakely. According to the report, police spotted a vehicle that had been reported stolen and followed it to a “game room” that was “known as a hub for criminal activity.” The driver then told police that he “discovered the car while it was unattended and running at a Dollar General on Riverside Drive, proceeded to enter the vehicle and drove away,” which seems like a very long way of saying “stole it.”
