Is It Legal to Import Sheep Testicles So You Can Breed Giant Alternative Livestock to Kill?

The 18-foot-tall hybrid carnivorous monster sheep (image: Dept. of Justice)

No.

Well, technically it depends on the sheep, but I try to give yes-or-no answers to these questions. The answer here is “no” because we have plenty of sheep here in the U.S., so if someone’s going to the trouble of importing sheep testicles, that probably means they came from an endangered species. And importing endangered testicles without a permit is illegal.

The problem for the defendant in this case was the Lacey Act, which makes it illegal to (among other things) import certain animals or parts of those animals, or to transport the same in interstate commerce, without a federal permit. You should of course know all about the Lacey Act by now. See, e.g.,Unlicensed Alien Guide Offered Gall Bladders and Women During Illegal Bear Hunt” (July 27, 2023) and “United States v. 1855.6 Pounds of American Paddlefish Meat” (Nov. 14, 2018). It looks like Arthur Schubarth knew about the Act when he decided to import parts of the ginormousest sheep in the world, the Marco Polo argali (Ovis ammon poli), from Kyrgyzstan even though it is an endangered (well, “near threatened”) species. That’s probably why he pleaded guilty in March to violating the Lacey Act and conspiring to do so.

The Lacey Act is partly aimed at trying to keep out so-called “invasive species,” such as the mongoose, fruit bat, zebra mussel, quagga mussel, and bighead carp, which are specifically called out in the Act for being a$$holes. (Except for the mongoose, of course, which is awesome, but because its introduction would be bad for pretty much all other wildlife we try to keep it out anyway.) But the Act also prohibits importing or transporting any species that was taken in violation of another law or treaty, and that was the specific problem here.

The Marco Polo sheep are named that because they appear to be the species mentioned in Chapter XXXII of The Travels of Marco Polo, described as “wild sheep of great size, whose horns are good six palms in length,” living in the Pamir Mountains. According to Wikipedia, this species’ horns can be more than six feet long, from which I conclude that Marco Polo had giant troll hands. Whether he did or not, no sheep have larger horns than the majestic Marco Polo argali.

And I don’t know about you, but when I see or hear of majestic, beautiful creatures like these and learn that they are in danger of forever vanishing from the Earth, I have just one question: How can I kill one?

Arthur Schubarth had two questions, though: How can I kill one, and how can I profit from helping others share in the joy of killing similar creatures? One answer to both questions involves going to Kyrgyzstan, and not the good part of Kyrgyzstan, either. Not that there’s anything inherently bad about the Pamir Mountains, but getting there isn’t easy. I just checked Expedia, and I’m irritated to see that while flying to Bishkek would be cheaper than my upcoming flight to Denver (!!), it would take more than 24 hours to get there and you’d have to take Turkish Airlines. And then good luck getting your Marco Polo horns into the overhead bin on the way back. No sir.

Although that does seem like it might be easier than Schubarth’s plan, which was: go to Kyrgyzstan, get some giant-sheep testicles, smuggle those into the U.S., send them to a lab that will agree to clone giant sheep embryos for you, and implant those embryos into some sheep of your own to create a hybrid sheep for your friends and customers to kill.

Unless he also took Turkish Airlines, in which case it’s probably a wash.

Anyway, after a decade or so of work, Schubarth successfully jurassicparked a giant hybrid sheep species that he named the “Montana Mountain King.” But he doesn’t seem to have created more than one before the Feds moved in. Because he didn’t have a permit to bring in the Marco Polo sheep, and apparently also got genetic material from illegally hunted Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep, doing this violated the Lacey Act. Looks like it also violated Montana law, which prohibits using Montana game animals on “alternative livestock” ranches like Schubarth’s.

In September, Schubarth was sentenced to six months in prison (probably more significant than it sounds since he’s 81) and fined about $24,000. The reports don’t say what punishment the co-conspirators will get, but I would suggest community service in the form of taking care of one (1) giant hybrid sheep for the rest of its life.