Because some people (kind of a lot, really) evidently need a reminder of why dictatorship is a bad thing, here’s why: (1) dictators do whatever they want, and (2) they tend to be total dicks. Case in point: North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, who would now be a wholly inadequate bathroom attendant had his dad not been dictator, has reportedly banned the selling, cooking, and eating of hot dogs in his country, declaring that this is now considered “treason.”

I should note that the sources on this are a little thin, although that’s based on a Google search and most search results are heavily polluted by artificial “intelligence” these days. The most reliable source on the first couple of pages for this (“north korea hot dogs”) is probably The New Zealand Herald, and the only source it cites is Radio Free Asia. The latter is U.S.-funded, not purely local, but hey, not all propaganda is false, and RFA’s story purports to quote actual (though anonymous) sources from within North Korea. Also, the action reported here is consistent with the way dictators tend to act (see above), so with that cautionary note, let’s assume RFA’s story is true.

Strictly speaking, it doesn’t say North Korea has banned hot dogs themselves. It has reportedly banned a dish called budae-jjigae, “a spicy stew that sometimes includes instant-ramen noodles, hot dogs and whatever happens to be on hand.” Also double-plus ungood is another dish called tteokbokki. (All consonants original.) These are said to be popular in South Korea but reportedly “did not surface” in the North until 2017. Being generally opposed to things that are popular in South Korea, except maybe for electricity, in 2020 the North’s government passed a law called “The Rejection of Reactionary Thought and Culture Act” in an effort to keep them from spreading. The article suggests this heavy-handedness now extends to capitalist foods.

Sales of these items “have completely stopped” since November 15, the article quoted an anonymous merchant as saying. Restaurant managers who sold the dishes are under investigation, it says, and authorities “took measures to prevent their sale in a food court at a local department store.” I am skeptical that there is a “food court” anywhere in North Korea, but that term probably doesn’t translate well. The article doesn’t say anything about executions, so I assume it wasn’t that kind of “food court.” But reports claim that unsanctioned hotdoggery may be punishable by years of hard labor.

Speaking of translations, the article says budae-jjigae translates literally to “army base stew,” referring to its genesis during the Korean War. It was made, the story goes, “from packaged food items that were past their expiration date, but still edible, such as hot dogs and SPAM, that were discarded by U.S. Army bases and reclaimed by hungry South Koreans out of necessity.” Why their grandkids are still eating it isn’t clear, but at least “the ingredients are procured by more conventional means” these days.

In the South, that is. How northerners might be getting hot dogs or SPAM isn’t clear to me, but it may actually be through government-run restaurants, according to the article. These are among the very few places in North Korea that “luxuries” like these are available, it appears. You know, if you are a party member in a dictatorship and the exclusive luxuries thus available to you are hot dogs and SPAM, you just may have backed the wrong horse.

The article warns that samgyeopsal, or pork belly, may be next on the ban list, because it too is popular in South Korea and also is made of meat. That substance “is extremely rare in the diet of typical North Koreans,” Radio Free Asia points out, “but is readily available in the South.” Of course, Kim himself reportedly has access, according to the International Business Times, to “17 fabulous palaces,” a private island, more than 100 luxury cars, a “superyacht,” and a private jet named “Air Force Un” (“That’s not a joke,” the IBT claims). You party members can also assume he has access to meat and electricity, which you probably don’t. You know what to do.