It's a first-degree assault charge for Ednel Diedrich, who allegedly got so mad after his housemate ate a donut he bought that he "lay in wait" in the kitchen the next morning and hit the donut thief in the head with a stool.

According to the report, Diedrich told police he had "been upset all night" over the eating of the donut, which was not described, but is there any donut not worth killing for? Still, it's usually preferable to try to resolve these disputes with something short of violence, like asking that the offender buy a replacement donut or maybe eating something that belongs to him in retaliation if that fails. By escalating directly to the violent-ambush strategy, which put his victim in the hospital with serious head injuries, Diedrich not only remained donutless that day but also faces years in an establishment not generally known for the quality of its breakfast pastries.

If donuts are your goal, please think before you act.