• “Cops find man isn’t dead, just a slob” (NY Daily News)

• “Man to Somerville Police: ‘I’m naked.  You can’t take me'” (Somerville Journal)

• “Men’s room rant to judge leads to jail sentence” (Associated Press)

• “Driver plows into Grand Junction liquor store; alcohol suspected” (Denver Post)

• “Police: Ohio robbery suspect asked victim for date” (AP via Yahoo! News)