With typical Canadian politeness, lawyers representing the province of British Columbia argued last week that a lawsuit demanding it officially recognize the existence of Bigfoot should be dismissed because the case is “lacking an air of reality.”

That is one way to put it.

The lawsuit was filed by Todd Standing, “self-proclaimed ‘sasquatch tracker'” and, coincidentally, the director of—shall we call it a documentary?—”Discovering Bigfoot.” Standing has been going about claiming he can prove the existence of the North American cryptohominid generally known as Bigfoot (a.k.a. Sasquatch, Skunk Ape, Skookum, Ts’emekwes, Fouke Monster, Nuk-Luk, The Grassman, Wild Man of the Woods, Joe Howler, The Brown Lorax, or, rarely, Biggie F), and insists the government is deliberately ignoring his evidence.

And not just this government.

If this all sounds familiar, then perhaps you wasted some perfectly good time back in March reading about a very similar case filed in San Bernardino Superior Court against two California agencies. See “Plaintiff: California Must Admit the Truth About Bigfoot” (Mar. 8, 2018). The plaintiff in that case was not Standing but rather Claudia Ackley, a woman who presumably had been paid something by Standing to look dumb for publicity purposes. The two were clearly in cahoots because Standing was quoted in the report about Ackley’s lawsuit in the San Bernardino Sun. Specifically, he was quoted as saying, “if this goes to court, we will win, easily. It’s not a joke. The best wilderness experts in the world are coming out to testify. It’s amazing,” a series of statements about which I commented, “none of that is true.”

Ackley voluntarily dismissed that case about a week later, well before wilderness experts of any caliber had a chance to testify.

So a few months later, here’s Todd Standing up in British Columbia complaining that a different government fish-and-wildife agency is ignoring the same evidence his friend was allegedly poised to present in California, only to quietly dismiss rather than face even a status hearing. Okay. Here, at least, Standing actually showed up in court to semi-defend his lawsuit, which, hilariously, apparently contends the agency has injured his reputation and credibility by refusing to credit his evidence. As noted above, the province’s lawyers argued the case is frivolous or, as they also put it, “lacks an air of reality.” I don’t know what Standing said in court, but he had some pretty good quotes for the media, to whom I assume he spoke only reluctantly.

“If sasquatch exist,” Standing said, apparently having resolved the plural form that way, “and I know they do, and I say they do, and I could take you out and show you one—is that frivolous?” He continued: “The most man-like primate on the planet exists right now and I can’t get Fish and Wildlife to do anything.”

Of course, the “most man-like primate on the planet” is man (sorry, the joke works better with “man”). Given the level of scientific expertise Standing must have developed over the course of his sasquatch-tracking career, it was probably just a slip of the tongue.

According to this report, Standing—who, again coincidentally, charges $4800 to take people on week-long “expeditions” looking for Bigfoot—already has plans to file next in Alberta and then in the State of Washington, also places where some people believe the mighty cryptibiped can be found. So we will make fun of those too.