The Oklahoman reports that two former detention officers and a supervisor at the Oklahoma County jail have been charged with cruelty after an investigation found they forced inmates to listen to “Baby Shark” for extended periods of time.

I’m happy to say I’ve never heard “Baby Shark,” nor did I listen to it for purposes of writing this piece. I mean, there are limits to what you can ask of me for doing this, believe it or not. But according to the report, “Baby Shark” is a children’s song that became somewhat popular beginning about two years ago, as those of you who are parents most likely know, given that the YouTube video has now been viewed more than 6.5 billion times. While I haven’t heard it, I did make the mistake of clicking on the “Baby Shark lyrics” link The Oklahoman provided, which yielded this:

Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Baby shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Baby shark!
Mommy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Mommy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Mommy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Mommy shark!
Daddy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Daddy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Daddy shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Daddy shark!
Grandma shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Grandma shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Grandma shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Grandma shark!
Grandpa shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Grandpa shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Grandpa shark, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Grandpa shark!
Let’s go hunt, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Let’s go hunt, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Let’s go hunt, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Let’s go hunt!
Run away, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Run away, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Run away, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Run away!
Safe at last, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Safe at last, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Safe at last, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Safe at last!
It’s the end, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
It’s the end, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
It’s the end, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
It’s the end!

Just reading that caused me to black out, or at least I assume that’s why I woke up the other day under a highway bridge, covered in blood and what appear to be donut sprinkles, so I can only imagine what it would do to someone forced to actually listen to it.

According to the report, the jail employees subjected at least four inmates to this, also forcing them to stand with their hands cuffed behind them while listening for up to two hours as the song played repeatedly. This of course meant they would be unable to cover their ears to block out the hellish tune with its nonsensical lyrics and brutal doo-doo-themed refrains.

The employees were charged with “misdemeanor cruelty,” according to the report, which the district attorney recognized was not adequate given the conduct. “It was unfortunate that I could not find a felony statute to fit this fact scenario,” said District Attorney David Prater. “I would have preferred filing a felony on this behavior.”

This appears to mean they were charged with “cruelty to prisoners,” an offense in the Prisons and Reformatories title (57 Okla. Stat. § 9) that can result in a jail term “not exceeding 12 months,” making it a misdemeanor. That might be appropriate depending on how loud the music was played. “Baby Shark” or no, subjecting someone to loud noises for extended periods of time could obviously damage their hearing, which might mean this could qualify as aggravated assault and battery under Oklahoma law. (It can also be torture under international law.) That’s a felony.

Or it might qualify as “maiming,” which is defined as intentionally inflicting an injury that “disables any member or organ of [the] body or seriously diminishes [the victim’s] physical vigor….” 21 Okla. Stat. § 751. That’s also a felony, though it seems to require actual injury, which wouldn’t necessarily be a requirement for aggravated assault and battery. (It’s also a crime to maim yourself if you do it to “disable [yourself] from performance of any legal duty, existing or anticipated” (21 Okla. Stat. § 752), but it’s not clear what the penalty would be for that.)

Hopefully the failure to charge the jail employees under one of these felony statutes means the volume wasn’t so loud that it could potentially have caused injury. Physical injury, I mean, not the psychological injury that would likely result from having to hear “Baby Shark” more than once in any two-hour period. But while it isn’t a felony, the cruelty-to-prisoners statute still requires, not too surprisingly, “cruel or inhuman” treatment, and I think we need more facts to know whether that’s what happened here.

No, you know what? I just glanced at those lyrics again. I think we have all the facts we need.