Guess who still isn’t an Irish orphan named Arthur Knight? That’s right—Nicholas Rossi, the man wanted on rape and fraud charges in the U.S. who changed his identity, later faked his new identity’s death, then later turned up in Glasgow claiming to be this third person. Rossi is fighting extradition, and sticking with the hilarious conspiracy theory he offered to explain why he has the same distinctive tattoos as the U.S. criminal. See “Suspect Claiming Mistaken Identity Says Someone Tattooed Him Without His Knowledge” (Nov. 15, 2022). The BBC reported that Rossi had missed a court hearing due to an “altercation.” Rossi’s seventh lawyer (successively, he doesn’t have seven lawyers) said it was his client’s position that he had been assaulted by court staff, so that’s probably what happened.
Have we discussed “Rent-A-Hitman” before? We haven’t? Oh. Well, you should probably know that rentahitman.com is a joke site that doesn’t actually provide hitman services, although according to its founder at least 30 people have been arrested because they thought it did. Nor should you send in your resumé if you are seeking employment as a hitman, as someone did this month. Also, my understanding is that hitmen generally do not prepare resumés at all.
I might have been thinking of this other case, where instead of doing the hit himself, the hitman subcontracted it to another hitman, apparently not foreseeing that his hitman might himself hire another hitman, or that this hitman would hire yet another hitman, who would hire a hitman, who would hire a hitman. With that many hitmen involved, somebody’s going to screw something up. See “Fourth-Level Subcontractor Ruins Murder Plot” (Oct. 23, 2019).
More advice: the “Get Out of Jail Free” card from Monopoly has no binding legal effect, at least in Minnesota. The driver who tried this in March didn’t actually believe it did, but given that some people think “Rent-A-Hitman” is real it seems worth mentioning the point. The Chisago County Sheriff’s Office said the driver got “points for the effort and humor,” but declined to say whether he also got a ticket. Cf. “Good Reason to Kill #19: Cheated at Monopoly” (Oct. 28, 2011).
“There may have been a time when a temporary suspension [from practicing law] was an adequate punishment for sexually assaulting or harassing a client,” wrote Judge Zel Fischer, “but in my view, that time is long gone.” But the majority disagreed, finding it an adequate punishment for sexually assaulting or harassing six clients. (Four of the assaults were caught on video, because they happened in a jail interview room.) The disciplinary panel recommended disbarment, but the Missouri Supreme Court voted 4-3 that suspending him for a year was enough. Granted, he may be unlikely to apply for reinstatement given that he is currently 86 years old, but Fischer didn’t think that should matter.
