U.S. Government: Lasers are Evil
I ask for one thing: a shark with a frickin’ laser beam attached to its head. But no.
Brilliant Arguments
DEA Agent: If You Legalize Pot, Rabbits Will Get High
In which a DEA testifies to witnessing “rabbits that had cultivated a taste for … marijuana,” and had lost all motivation.
Plaintiff: Disney Promised to Help Me Build an X-Wing. Court: No It Didn’t
Plaintiff’s complaint did everything but state a claim for relief, the judge decided.
NoYouCantWriteABriefLikeThisToGetAroundTheWordLimit
Appalling.
A Few Tax Arguments Not to Make
Hey, your taxes are due this week—or ARE they? Yes, they are, that was a figure of speech. You have to pay them.
Texas Bill Would Make It Illegal for You to Film a Cop Beating You
So that you will not interfere with said cop while he is beating you.
Two More Drunk-Driving Excuses to Cross Off the List [Updated]
Actually, you really shouldn't have a list like this in the first place, but if you do, these should not be on it. The first one comes to us from New Jersey (thanks, Grant & Gerald), where two guys tried…
Nobody Move! This Is a Film Project
"Knowing Joe, it wasn't really a surprise," said one of Joe's friends about the news that Joe had robbed two banks. "I don't think he meant anything by it other than he was just trying to get some good footage." Whether…
Police Department Ends Its “Voluntary Search” Program
This program only lasted about five days, so I didn't have time to write about it before it was canceled for being dumb. But it was sufficiently dumb that I'm still going to write about it. On December 5, Wisconsin…
Court Unconvinced by Lawyer Dressed as Thomas Jefferson
Today in Least Surprising Updates: The Kansas Supreme Court unanimously held on November 14 that Dennis Hawver would be disbarred for violating <stops to count> seven ethical or court rules when representing a defendant who was ultimately sentenced to death….