Man Sues Couple He Kidnapped
“The couple gained [their kidnapper’s] trust by eating Cheetos and drinking Dr. Pepper with him while watching the movie ‘Patch Adams.'” Then, they violated that trust.
Criminal Mind, The
Man Who Stabbed His First Two Lawyers With a Pencil Stabs Another Lawyer With a Pencil
No, wait — it was a pen this time. And I was about to accuse him of a lack of creativity.
Have-Lunch-Nearby Getaway Plan Succeeds!
It was only about a week ago that I mentioned the poor track record of the strategy of sitting down for lunch in the vicinity of your crime, and now here's a case where this actually may have worked. Last…
The Have-Lunch-Nearby Getaway Plan Is Still Not Working
Order a big meal while you have a chance.
How to Get Back at Your Ex: First, Kill a Bear
Kind of a big first step, actually.
Police Skeptical of Suspect’s Claim to Be Invisible
Here's some free advice. If you find yourself telling someone that you are "invisible" and "unstoppable," and the person you are telling that to is a police officer, you are neither one of those things. I guess that's really all there…
California Authorities Still Puzzled by Mystery Enema
The lesson here is that if somebody shows up unannounced and proposes this kind of thing, don’t just assume your doctor sent her.
Man Demands Hot Sauce at Gunpoint
As we've seen many times, it is rarely a good idea to take the law into your own hands, even in response to the most dastardly outrages such as an inexplicable condiment omission. And yet it continues to happen. On…
Robber Armed With Tree Branch Is Unsuccessful
It’s not the most intimidating weapon.
Plan to Reel in Extortion Money Fails
An elaborate and yet also stupid scheme to extort money from a potato-chip bakery in Ohio failed this week when police were able to track the payoff money to a suspect after dropping it off as instructed. Their strategy: watch…