California Authorities Still Puzzled by Mystery Enema
The lesson here is that if somebody shows up unannounced and proposes this kind of thing, don’t just assume your doctor sent her.
Criminal Mind, The
Man Demands Hot Sauce at Gunpoint
As we've seen many times, it is rarely a good idea to take the law into your own hands, even in response to the most dastardly outrages such as an inexplicable condiment omission. And yet it continues to happen. On…
Robber Armed With Tree Branch Is Unsuccessful
It’s not the most intimidating weapon.
Plan to Reel in Extortion Money Fails
An elaborate and yet also stupid scheme to extort money from a potato-chip bakery in Ohio failed this week when police were able to track the payoff money to a suspect after dropping it off as instructed. Their strategy: watch…
If Your Doctor Prescribes Watermelon in a Hot Tub, Ask to See a License
Thirty days in jail and three years of probation is the fairly light sentence for Yevgeniy Vasin, who pleaded no contest Friday to two counts of what the SF Chronicle called "masquerading as a doctor." The term "masquerading" doesn't actually…
Washington Man Accused of Weasel-Related Assault [Updated]
So this guy walks into a bar with a dead weasel. Bartender says, "Why are you carrying a dead weasel?" The guy punches him right in the face. Bartender says, "What the hell was that for?" and the guy says,…
Defendant’s Cross-Dressing Strategy Doesn’t Fool Reporters
Maybe not since Florida Sen. Gary Siplin was photographed climbing a fence trying to avoid reporters has a media strategy failed quite so badly. Martyn Crute, a former director of UK Oil and Gas Ltd., reportedly pleaded guilty to operating…
Man Who Stabbed His Lawyer With a Pencil Stabs His New Lawyer With a Pencil
Apparently thinking that the nation's appointed (and often heroic) defense counsel don't have enough to put up with already, a Washington man recently decided to become a literal pain in the neck for two of his attorneys. (I really couldn't…
If You See a Woman Wearing a Hat, Please Notify the Authorities
Among the many good reasons to do that: she may be part of an all-female pickpocket squad. Police in [Sterling Heights, Michigan,] say an all-female criminal ring, made up of middle-aged and elderly women, are running a sophisticated con in…
BREAKING: Bin Laden Caught After Tripping on Saggy Pants
Okay – after watching this surveillance video many times, I'm now prepared to concede that it's unlikely to be bin Laden. (Among other things, he was reportedly much taller and not known to drink Bud Light.) But I'm also prepared…