Criminal


Teacher Pleads No Contest to Toilet-Shooting Charge

Yes, the story is "kind of funny," the prosecutor admitted, but "it is also serious." He was referring to the September 11 incident in which an elementary-school teacher ended the life of a school toilet with her 9mm handgun. He…


I Bet That Finger Wasn’t Even Loaded

If I spent a little time searching I could probably find an example of a less effective robbery, but this'll do for today: The suspect said, "Give me your wallet or my buddy will beat you up," but the victim…


Coma-Faker Pleads Guilty to Fraud

Doesn't seem like it should have taken two years to establish this, but it turns out Alan Knight was lying when he claimed to be quadriplegic and/or comatose in order to avoid court appearances and delay his prosecution. He even…


Good Reason to Kill #17.1: Lost at Beer Pong

Oh dear. This new example (thanks, Steve) is funnier than the original #17, mainly because nobody died. Had I foreseen that beer pong would be the cause of another potentially life-threatening dispute, I'd probably have waited, but such are the…


Beer Verdict Reversed in Alcohol Case

The Journal Sentinel's headline for this one, "Judge Beer's verdict for underage drinker goes flat on appeal," is at least as good as mine and more descriptive. (Thanks, Scott.) Judge James Beer did indeed rule in favor of someone caught drinking…


The Defendant Seems to Have Left, Your Honor

Here's a criminal-defense strategy you might not have considered: just get up and walk out. They certainly won't be expecting that. And probably for that reason, it's worked at least three times. At least temporarily. The first example I know of was…


Good Reason to Kill #51: Told My Wife to Keep Her Shirt On

Here's how this one starts: Robert Pierce, whose wife Catharine was involved in a topless gardening dispute in 2010, is set to stand trial on assault charges after police say he assaulted a Regional Transportation District security guard who told…


Larry Craig Can’t Catch a Break

First the guy in the stall next to him turns out to be an undercover cop, then they won't let him withdraw his guilty plea, then he has to retire from the Senate, now they're all "you can't use campaign…


Legally Dead Man Sentenced to Be Actually Dead

After I reported on the case of Donald Miller, the Ohio man who failed to convince a judge he should not be considered legally dead ("'No, You're Still Deceased,' Judge Tells Dead Man" (Oct. 10, 2013)), several people wrote in to…