Who Stole the Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve? And How?
This aggression will not stand.
Criminal
Second Man Beaten With Own Leg by Leg-Wielding Girlfriend
"I have never heard of someone beating someone with a prosthetic leg," said Kristy Harnish, a resident of Baker, Florida, after being asked by a reporter whether she had ever heard of that. That means she either doesn't read this…
UPDATE: US Air Bomb Hoax Proves Even Stupider Than Imagined
Yesterday I pointed out that there was lots of stupidity all around in connection with the fake bomb threat in Philadelphia, but as several readers have just pointed out to me, it turns out I probably underestimated the stupidity level….
Wells Fargo Fires Man for Stealing a Dime 49 Years Ago
Oh, Wells Fargo. And here I had decided that you were the least evil member of the banking family. You might still be—which is not saying much—but this is pretty bad. Wells Fargo Home Mortgage fired Richard Eggers in July,…
Drive-By Tebowing Reported in Pennsylvania
A young man in Shenango, PA, claims that he was the victim of a Tim-Tebow-themed assault last week while mowing his lawn. According to a police report posted by The Smoking Gun, the victim reported that at one point he…
Second “Duct Tape Bandit” Seems to Have Learned From the First
Police in Washington are asking for help finding the "Duct Tape Bandit," a man suspected of four bank robberies in that state. The man is described as being white, in his mid-20s, about 5-foot-10 with a thin to medium build,…
“If This Weren’t So Tragic, It’d Be Comical,” Says Clown
It’s not extremely tragic, as it turns out, and it is fairly comical.
Madison Police Blotter: Banjo Attack
Much more serious than last week's ukelele assault was this incident recently reported by the police department of Madison, Wisconsin: Incident Type: Weapons Violation Incident Date: 08/06/2012 – 11:42 PM Address: 852 Williamson St. (Willy Street Pub) Arrested: [name…
Disabled Spectator Arrested for Not Visibly Enjoying Olympic Event [Updated]
Well, this is pretty goddamn appalling: Mark Worsfold, 54, a former soldier and martial arts instructor, was arrested on 28 July for a breach of the peace shortly before the cyclists arrived in Redhouse Park, Leatherhead, where he had sat down…
Don’t Bring a Knife to a Beer Fight
About a week ago, an attempted armed robbery of a convenience store in England was foiled by the manager, who flung 12-packs of beer at the robber with deadly accuracy until he gave up and fled. As you can see in…