Man Sues Couple He Kidnapped
“The couple gained [their kidnapper’s] trust by eating Cheetos and drinking Dr. Pepper with him while watching the movie ‘Patch Adams.'” Then, they violated that trust.
Criminal
Note: Before Attaching Ankle Monitor, Make Sure Leg Is Real
Because if the leg is detachable, that defeats the purpose of attaching a monitor to it. Unless your goal is to keep track of the leg, in which case no problem, but normally that's not what you're after. In August, The…
Accused Celebrity Smuggler Cleared After 25 “Closely Monitored” Bowel Movements
Well, this is ridiculous all around.
How You Know When Your Supreme Court Argument Is Going Poorly
Here’s one way: a justice asks you whether you have considered “just confessing error in this case.” Another piece of advice: once the number of justices who have told you to drop a particular argument reaches five, you might as…
Mimes Deployed
TIME reports that several South American countries have deployed hundreds of mimes, like these two in Caracas, in an effort to shame drivers into obeying traffic rules. "Any infraction," the report says, "leads to frantic miming." Photo: Ariana Cubillos/AP Try…
Man Who Stabbed His First Two Lawyers With a Pencil Stabs Another Lawyer With a Pencil
No, wait — it was a pen this time. And I was about to accuse him of a lack of creativity.
Shape-Shifting Donkey Prostitute Strikes Again
She turned into a donkey just before police arrived, it appears.
In Canada It Is Illegal to Alarm the Queen
In response to the news that it may soon be illegal to insult an Australian Minister for Gaming, a number of Canadians have informed me that it has long been illegal there to do any act "with intent to alarm…
Adult Baby Cleared of Social Security Fraud
After an investigation prompted by U.S. Senator Tom Coburn, the Social Security Administration has cleared adult baby Stanley Thornton Jr. of Coburn's allegations of disability fraud. Why was Senator Coburn bothering an adult baby? Because he saw the adult baby…
Have-Lunch-Nearby Getaway Plan Succeeds!
It was only about a week ago that I mentioned the poor track record of the strategy of sitting down for lunch in the vicinity of your crime, and now here's a case where this actually may have worked. Last…