Accused Celebrity Smuggler Cleared After 25 “Closely Monitored” Bowel Movements
Well, this is ridiculous all around.
Criminal
How You Know When Your Supreme Court Argument Is Going Poorly
Here’s one way: a justice asks you whether you have considered “just confessing error in this case.” Another piece of advice: once the number of justices who have told you to drop a particular argument reaches five, you might as…
Mimes Deployed
TIME reports that several South American countries have deployed hundreds of mimes, like these two in Caracas, in an effort to shame drivers into obeying traffic rules. "Any infraction," the report says, "leads to frantic miming." Photo: Ariana Cubillos/AP Try…
Man Who Stabbed His First Two Lawyers With a Pencil Stabs Another Lawyer With a Pencil
No, wait — it was a pen this time. And I was about to accuse him of a lack of creativity.
Shape-Shifting Donkey Prostitute Strikes Again
She turned into a donkey just before police arrived, it appears.
In Canada It Is Illegal to Alarm the Queen
In response to the news that it may soon be illegal to insult an Australian Minister for Gaming, a number of Canadians have informed me that it has long been illegal there to do any act "with intent to alarm…
Adult Baby Cleared of Social Security Fraud
After an investigation prompted by U.S. Senator Tom Coburn, the Social Security Administration has cleared adult baby Stanley Thornton Jr. of Coburn's allegations of disability fraud. Why was Senator Coburn bothering an adult baby? Because he saw the adult baby…
Have-Lunch-Nearby Getaway Plan Succeeds!
It was only about a week ago that I mentioned the poor track record of the strategy of sitting down for lunch in the vicinity of your crime, and now here's a case where this actually may have worked. Last…
Karaoke-Triggered Assault Sends Man Through Plate-Glass Window
With the news that half of Americans now favor legalizing marijuana – a number that as many have pointed out is significantly higher than the approval rating of any of our current leaders – isn't it finally time to end…
A Pistol in the Pants Can Lead to Trouble
Doesn't seem like much good could ever come of this, really. Ask Plaxico Burress, or this guy. Bonus points: he was hunting possums. Bonus quote: Mountain Safety Council chief executive Darryl Carpenter said people shot themselves accidentally "surprisingly very little."…