Criminal


Meat Thieves Captured

Police in Spokane, Washington, reported last week that they had arrested the ringleader of a meat-stealing operation that has plagued stores in the area for some time.  Christopher Webber was booked last Thursday on charges of "leading organized crime."  Specifically,…



When To Give Up Crime

When you are beaten and subdued by two 19-year-old Hooters girls.  This is a relatively clear sign that you are in the wrong line of work. Last month in Loganville, Georgia, a 40-year-old man saw two girls walk into a…



Muslim Clerics Issue Cell-Phone Fatwa

A panel of Muslim clerics in northern India have issued a fatwa prohibiting the use of cellphones, at least in certain un-Islamic ways. If they will extend this to the BlackBerry, I might be willing to convert. A fatwa, you may…


Will Perry Mason Defend Himself?

The Associated Press reported yesterday that Perry Mason had been charged with felony barratry in Texas, a crime that carries a penalty of up to ten years in jail.  "Barratry" is the dastardly crime committed when a non-attorney solicits clients for a…


Rambo Cupid Fires Arrows Around Minnesota Neighborhood

Police in Burnsville, Minnesota, said that Kyle Fletcher went out onto his patio deck on April 3 with a powerful compound bow and fired several arrows into neighboring homes in an effort to impress a woman.  Police found arrows embedded in…


Fly With Your Pants Down, Lose Your License, Judge Rules

An administrative-law judge has ruled that the FAA properly revoked the license of a man who allowed a sex act to be performed upon him as he flew a helicopter around San Diego.  The judge cited the pilot's likely inability…


UPDATE: Former SF Official Gets Maximum Despite Brain Claims

Former SF supervisor Ed Jew was sentenced today to 64 months in jail by a judge in SF federal court.  Judge Susan Illston apparently rejected the claim that the defendant had been afflicted by childhood head injuries that first manifested…