Shoplifting! No, I'm just kidding. It was sexual assault. Ironically, according to the website of the U.S. Air Force's Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Program—a program that was led until today by the alleged assailant, who now seems to have…
The UPI reported it this way: HONOLULU, April 10 (UPI) – Authorities in Honolulu said they confiscated two bottles of beer and a live duck from a man entering a courthouse to meet with his probation officer. A courthouse security worker…
Here's your headline of the [insert appropriate time frame]: Witnesses: Man drove 90 mph with genitals hanging out the window It looks as though an alleged reign of terror may be coming to an end, after three of what police…
See, here’s yet another reason that it was so dumb to punish a kid for biting a pastry into the shape of a handgun: he could have just poked someone in the eye with the pastry in the first place….
Scientists appear to disagree as to whether the universe (or multiverse) is truly infinite in the sense that given enough time, all possible events will necessarily happen. On the other hand, maybe this is just semantics, given that, according to…
Normally stories about city-council dress codes (or at least the ones I notice) involve audience members refusing to wear pants, but this one is about a councilor who won't take off his mask. Skull Reaper A-ji won a seat on…
As you know if you have been following this dramatic story unfolding in Brooklyn Park, Maryland, seven-year-old Josh Welch has been suspended for two days after he allegedly fashioned his breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun. Did I…
According to this preliminary report (20-minute raw video) from WBFF News in Baltimore, the seven-year-old was threatening other children with a crude weapon he had fashioned out of a strawberry danish before authorities intervened. Early reports suggested that the suspect broke…
From the Facebook page of WBFF FOX 45 in Baltimore: First on Fox: 7-year-old Joshua was suspended this morning from Park Elementary School in Brooklyn Park. Joshua says he was eating a pastry during snack time and trying to shape it into…
For once the dude with the hatchet is the good guy. The dude, identified only as "Kai," said a driver who had given him a ride near Fresno began claiming to be Jesus—generally a good time to ask your driver…