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Santa Fights Off Scottish Punks

A Santa Claus at the Paisley Centre mall in Scotland (I think) was being praised as a hero this week after he fought off a gang of teenagers who attacked him as he was giving out presents to children. Not…




Saddam Hussein’s Trial Begins

The long-awaited trial of Saddam Hussein began today. The defendant was taken from his prison cell outside Baghdad, escorted under heavy guard through streets cleared of citizens and lined with soldiers, and brought to the former Baath Party headquarters building…


Man Breaks Into Fiji President’s House For Low-Impact Workout

25-year-old Iowane Tuinamasi was apprehended recently after the wife of Fiji’s president caught him doing push-ups in their official residence. Police said that Tuinamasi jumped a fence, evaded security and broke into the house, and then turned on loud music…


Drill-Team Dance-Off Ends in Major Brawl; Arrests Follow

Opening what police called “a whole new arena” of crime, two arrests were made Saturday night after an impromptu “dance-off” between rival Wichita drill teams turned into a major altercation. One team, the “Dynamic Steppers,” was practicing Saturday night when…


Germans Told Not to Smile for Photos

Germany’s interior minister, Otto Schily, ordered passport officials on Thursday not to accept new passport photos in which the applicant is smiling. Germany’s new biometric passports are intended to be used with facial-recognition computer scanners, which apparently work best when…


Hey, Hey, Hey! It’s Trademark Infringement!

Bill Cosby has successfully wrested control of a domain name mentioning “Fat Albert” from a cybersquatter who was allegedly using it to divert Internet traffic for commercial purposes. Those who searched for and clicked on www.fatalbert.org (for whatever reason they…


Indian Rat Surveillance Department Comes Under Fire

The Hindustan Times, which I of course read religiously, reported Monday that the New Delhi city government agency that is responsible for catching rats apparently has not actually caught any rats at all in over ten years. Although (according to…