Search Results for pants

“Mr. Burns” Presides Over Trial of “Bart Simpson”

Scientists appear to disagree as to whether the universe (or multiverse) is truly infinite in the sense that given enough time, all possible events will necessarily happen. On the other hand, maybe this is just semantics, given that, according to…


Skull Reaper Getting Hassled by Rest of City Council

Normally stories about city-council dress codes (or at least the ones I notice) involve audience members refusing to wear pants, but this one is about a councilor who won't take off his mask. Skull Reaper A-ji won a seat on…


Hipster Infestation Not “Emergency,” Say Police

I think we can all agree this is a serious problem, but it can only be addressed over time, by carefully cultivating the support of the general population. An occasional show of force may be useful for deterrence, and it…


Assorted Stupidity #46

Yes, it's frustrating when the bank teller screws up a simple request—"give me $20,000," for example—but you shouldn't really complain about being shortchanged if the money you demanded wasn't yours. A 28-year-old man was arrested in October after he demanded…


San Francisco Passes Weiner Proposal

Well, by the narrowest of margins (6-5), San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted on November 20 to pass Supervisor Scott Weiner's controversial ordinance requiring people to wear pants in public. Under the newly added Police Code Section 154: A person…


If You’re Greek, Someone Probably Just Stole Your Identity

Potential math-test question for Greek children: If someone steals nine million computer files containing the personal data of Greek citizens, and the population of Greece is 11 million, what percentage of Greek citizens have had their personal data stolen? The…


The Two-Million-Dollar Moon

I believe it was Confucius who said: He who would moon a superior should first consider whether his profit-sharing plan has vested, but whoever said it, those were words of wisdom. The plaintiff in Selch v. Columbia Management ignored them in…